I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
