you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
