Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize