like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
