Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
did you just send me my own nude
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
