So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
