He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
sarcasm needs its own font
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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