he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
