If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
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