just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
