i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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