All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
