I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
