There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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