You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
