something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
