Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
