but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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