We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
