8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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