I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
