Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
