I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize