opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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