That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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