Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
