we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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