i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
