Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
