she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
