I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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