dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize