the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
