Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
