Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
