i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
