I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
