Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
