i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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