Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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