He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
