I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
