chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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