no, he came in my armpit
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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