You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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