Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize