This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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