She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
