This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
BRING THE BAGELS
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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