honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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