Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my being single is dangerous.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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