I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
