Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
