We're facebook friends in real life
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
