I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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