if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
