Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
