Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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