i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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