thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
