We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
