Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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