Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
