Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
