Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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