he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
