can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
